Deliberations

Leadership

2010-03-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

The more I read scripture, the more I believe that God has called the church to change! We are not called to stay the same way we were when we became a Christian! God has called us to be transformed.

After being in a leadership position at a church for about 2 1/2 years now, it makes me wonder if everyone believes this way who "sits" in a leadership position? It seems to me that every leader you see in the Bible sees an opportunity for something to be different (transformed) and takes it! Unfortunately, what we see now is that people get caught up in their own pride and selfish ambitions and vain conceit that they think their feelings are more important than reaching the lost with the Gospel of MESSIAH JESUS! It is not about maintaining a name or reputation but rather advancing the Kingdom for the sake of the Kingdom.

Don't think I am saying that I am not immune to this as well. I was at a conference last week and the worship leader, Justin Fox, was leading us into a time of worship focusing on our obedience to Christ, and led this song called "I will". I was doing fine, as I was thinking about the song as my prayer to God and I got to this line, and it stopped me in my tracks. I saw in me, something that needed to change and something that I could not sing right at that moment. It was a moment that doesn't happen to me very often, like almost never...I can only think of one other time where the words to a song stopped me, it was "Give me your eyes" by Brandon Heath.

So, this line in this song of prayer and obedience to God made me stop in reflection to what is going on in my life and something that just flat needs to change...here's the line

"I will lay down all my pride."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally turned to Thomas beside me, and said, "I can't sing that line" Here's the deal, its not that I don't want to or don't try, but the flat statement that I WILL lay down ALL my pride...is just hard for me to do. Does that mean that I don't try for it or that I don't take steps to do it? Heck no, I move in a direction that I believe God is leading me on, one that leads me towards HIM not me. I am moving though, that's the point. If we who are called to be leaders are only sitting back and not moving, then we are flat wrong! This is why I always try to be growing, learning, changing, being transformed, because until I am in eternity with Christ, I will never be where I need to be.

It amazes me though that people who call themselves leaders, are still thinking the same way they did when they first accepted Christ, or submitted their lives to Him! If I still thought abotu God the way I did at my baptism, I would be a weak, sick and obese person who calls themselves a Xn and yet the way I'm living is still feasting on milk. Now I love a good glass of milk, but it definitely does not provide the nourishment needed to sustain me in my walk with Christ.

Here's the bottom line: I am really leaning toward this idea and I don't know what to do with it..."It is easier to give birth than resurrect the dead." How can we give or bring about new birth in the church, if we are stuck in a puny, little junior high romance with the creator of the universe? We must be growing and CHANGING, its not a bad thing, rather its for the sake of the KING and HIS KINGDOM!!!

ITS ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!!!

What God is doing!

2009-03-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

I am excited about what God is doing here at Davis Park! In the youth ministry, we decided we were going to take the idea of intergenerational ministry- or family ministry- (it takes a village to raise a Christian) as in the whole congregation working together and put it into practice! One of the ways we started this is by encouraging the youth to sit with adults in worship, rather than off in their own section segregated from everyone else. This was the first of many steps to come! I then contacted the small groups deacon, who is a guy that I love and respect! He takes Christianity seriously, and is always thinking of ways to be more effective. The cool thing about this is that when I emailed Glen, he had already been thinking about some different things and discussing them with small group leaders for several months! It was super cool to see God working on the same thing in different places in our congregation without any discussion of it. Glen's vision for small groups was that as seniors, five years from now, their right of passage as a senior is to join their own small group (not youth, but one of the adult small groups). The idea behind this is that the adults would now reach down to the youth and we would actually have contact available and that the teens would get to experience a connection to go with the "Bible training" they are recieving elsewhere. This would also provide a way to assimilate the teens into the larger context of the body of believers, so that when they graduate, they know how to function and already feel a vital and needed part of the body. There is much more to this than what I have just said, but the main idea is here. I hope anyone who reads this and has any ideas, or comments, leave them and I will try to respond as best as possible, it is just a way to open the conversation up to those interested and give some ideas about how get the youth connected in a better way than ever before.

This also leads to the next thing, that we no longer have "youth mission trips", all of our mission efforts will be for the whole body to participate in, because it is super important that the youth see adults coming to work alongsided them, not just for them or watch from the sidelines...this is life (and a life called to live for Christ) not a football game! We still do age specific classes and activities, but the big spiritual formation stuff is congregation wide! In class we are changing the format, so that questions are readily answered...and asked. In fact, we are doing a class right now investigating how to find answers to questions the youth themselves asked. This will involve small group discussions, and different "encounter" type classes to help the youth understand how we get to the answers, not just fill their minds with our answers. Allow them to draw their own conclusions based on the facts rather than just giving them pat answers. This requires adult interaction, and the youth get to see the adults' faith played out right in front of them.

This is such an exciting time! The paradigm shift our church is going through is so awesome and I am excited that I get to be a part of it. Please leave any comments or questions and I will try to respond to them!

(I know my grammar probably isn't perfect, i typed really fast, trying to get my thoughts out and that will probably show here!)

Aaron Out!

2009-02-25T13:51:00.000-08:00

You know, lately I have been busy, but not overly busy. With the struggles I had last year about this time from being too busy, I intentionally decided not to put myself in that position again.

That being said, I have though, had lots of time to think and pray about the direction of the youth ministry. I am excited about where God is leading us. This past November, we began a plan to intentionally get the teens involved in the lives of adults in the faith community. I knew though that this was not going to work ONLY from the bottom up, but it would have to have some intentional things coming from the top down as well. What I mean by that is the teens would not be able to sustain the effort on their own, rather we are called to work as a body, and so, we must have adults reaching down, to grab the teens as they reach up. What I didn't know was that Glen, our small groups deacon, was also talking on the other end to the small group leaders about how to get the teens involved in small groups! It is amazing to see God working through the church and helping us work together, and make the body function as a body, and not just a blob. One of the processes of this that I am implementing in this is expectations that a Christian should live up to. We have done poorly at letting the expectations Christ calls us to, be known, let alone ensuring that we are following them. I am reminded of something I read today in Rob Bell's book Jesus wants to save Christians, that the idea of taking the Lord's name in vain is really about misusing it, like saying we are God's people or nation or empire but not living like it. Misusing the name Christian, as we often do, is more about how we make the church or God look than anything. Yet, we in America are so bent on the things we are entitled to, rather than the things we have been blessed with, that we are to bless others with. So, I encouraged them that they needed to be in accountability with one another, be memorizing scripture, and hanging with God! What's funny is I heard groanings, and complaining almost immediately, and from MY LEADERS! What kind of church have we come to be? It seems as though we have become one that expects so much from people outside the church ie. the business world and such, that we think church is a place to come and relax. Don't get me wrong, I know that God provides rest and that we have the peace that passes all understanding, but that just means that we have even more responsibility to live in the word, and in the constant presence of God. We have homework and responsibilities for work, and school when we get home all the time, but the second a pastor or something asks you to actually be accountable to that, we balk?

I am excited about where God is leading us, but I see in the near future a church that becomes much smaller, because we are not training them for the times of true battle, like when our freedom to worship is snatched from us, or our freedom to live and breathe as we please comes to a screeching halt! How will those who are ill prepared going to survive? What are we doing to prepare them for such times, when Satan takes our blind eye and shoves it right back at us, and says look where I have you now!

I pray that we no longer turn a blind eye to what Satan is doing. That we no longer allow each other to just exist in church but that we call each other to more! More love. More serving. More commitment. MORE CHRIST!

So being married...

2008-11-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

In these past few months, I have learned so much about myself that I haven't seen in the past few years. I thought I had seen this and didn't want to be like this so I stopped being like this. I see a reflection of myself and everything I do or say in my wife. This isn't anything bad or is it anything about her, rather about me. I am sitting here on my work computer at my house and I keep wondering what is it about me that keeps slapping me in the face?

I read on another blog one time, for ministers not to let anger be a pattern of our behavior. I remember this often, but usually after my temper has already been let loose. I find that even in little matters that don't matter at all, I get so upset and over what, a picture on the wall? (no, I am not speaking of a particular picture in our home, just referencing the stupidity of my anger) I find that I read things like, "You have heard that it was said, "do not commit murder, for anyone who murders will be subject to judgement" but I say to you whoever is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment." and I am convicted to the core but how do I bring about change in my "pattern "of behavior? You see forgiveness is not an issue for me, but in the heat of the moment, my temper flies and I say things that I don't mean, or I talk to my wife in a way that no man should, and that bothers me!!!

I am being very transparent here, which to be honest with you is a little dangerous for me because of who I am, but its hard for me to find people to talk to around here without affecting what I do. So, as I say this, I ask that you hold me accountable, and treat me as a fellow sinner and not some high and mighty minister who never struggles with anything.

I am reminded of a quote, a favorite one of mine, where Brennan Manning says this, "Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to those around us so that everyone will like us but nobody will know us." (that's pretty close to the actual quote off the top of my head...since I don't have the book with me, nor the proper format to "officially" quote him) I don't want to be like this but I feel that I can't tell anyone because it will affect how they look at me and how they see me as a minister. Most people want to know that I am real, but not real enough to touch, or to know the real problems I have...I am a minister...I'm supposed to be above this...and yet I struggle with anger and so many other things.

I say all that to say that its hard living in a fishbowl and it accelerates the relationship I have with my wife, in a way that makes it hard for us to keep up. Everyone seems to want to see us have a perfect relationship...or at least that's what we're supposed to model, but we're trying to figure it out just like everyone else. Its not that I don't think we have a good relationship but when you're so out in the open, everyone sees everything , and even further than that, have an opinion about everything you do. This part really just SUCKS!!! Last night I probably walked about 3-4 miles after 12am because I needed to get out and clear my head and think about some things, and it felt great, but why do I have to do this when everyone else is asleep? Why can't I be able to get away even at church? Instead, I feel like people want to know that I'm real and broken but not totally...they only want to hear just that...but no details like everyone else. I almost wish, it was like the old times when you were 30 before you became a "man" and were able to work on your own and live totally independent and free from everyone else. This would give me time to figure everything out without being scrutinized for everything that I did. I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed at the amount of "personal" responsibility that's thrown on a 24 year old just out of college trying to figure out how to do life in the real world and be the "perfect" model everyone wants.

So once again, I say that marriage has been like holding a mirror up to my life and saying hey stupid...look at you, you can't even fend for yourself let alone anyone else...so give up and depend not on you, but on God...for in my weakness God's power is completed...a better word than perfected cause we misuse perfect...but complete gives us the idea we are really told...

I pray that God will be the one in power in my life and not me, because in my power, I am a jerk and rude and inconsiderate, to those whom I love most. I pray that God helps me quench my anger and bring that peace which passes all understanding in every part of my life...not just the hurt but in my hurt of others, especially my wife. I love her with all my heart and am not big enough to treat her as the child of God she is on my own. So I ask for your mercy on me, a sinner, who truly wants to be done with this anger stuff.

God, the real picture

2008-10-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

This probably will not be a long post although I may come back and add to it later.

You know what I have really noticed? I have noticed that what bugs me most about government, is that instead of looking to God or the church, people look to and trust the government for help, for security, for ideology, for morality and much more. These things are not what government is for. That is what God is for.

If people are looking to find a sense of security for whatever reason in government...it will fall
If people are looking to the government to help them with their problems...good luck
If people are looking to the government to bring a sense of "Christian" morality...yeah right

I know i sound pretty cynical, but this is where I believe we have fallen away from the way God created us. He is the one that should provide this, but with a government that will bail us out of any problem we have (or at least that's what is hoped for), or with Christians not wanting to live the way they should and PERSONALLY stand up for what they believe in, by developing relationships with people; allowing them to understand where we are coming from a bit more. Maybe the church could finally do what it was made for, to help the needy and get outside the walls, and find those who are sick and bring them to the hospital to be healed...then send them back out!!! Why have we gotten so caught up in our own lives that we won't take the time to help someone ourselves, but will gripe and complain until the government does. How did we get to here? How did we get to a place where God is not our sense of security, compass of morality, and our shelter in the time of storm? God should be who we go to when any of this is needed, not the government, that is the real picture we Christians should be standing for, not a government to fight for us.

To coin a cheesy phrase...Will the real Christians PLEASE stand up???

Living the life

2008-09-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

One of the things that seems to be the hardest thing to do about ministry is living what you teach! Last night, Sarah and I were talking about something going on, and she asked, "Are you living what you teach?" Like are you praying for them? Are you truly forgiving them? Are you really ready to let God have control? Are you ready to focus on HIM rather than let this get you off track?

If there is something that will drive me to anger more than anything else, its someone telling me to do what I told them to do with their life!!! Last night however, this didn't happen! I actually felt this sense of relief come over me as Sarah reminded me of what I have taught and said! Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to deal with this situation though. I struggle with people who claim to live by scripture and say that they want one thing, but do something totally different. I was ready to crucify this person, when I realized maybe my focus has been too much on everyone else rather than on God! When we take our eyes off of Jesus, we start drowning in the muck of the world, in the muck of other people. My job IS people but I have to learn not to get caught up in it myself. I have to do exactly what I teach, to keep my eyes so focused on Jesus, that when other stuff starts coming in the way I push it out and keep my eyes on HIM.

Paul talks in Romans about being obligated and eager at the same time. I often feel obligated, and I often feel eager but rarely at the same time. How does he do this? He realizes that as the world closes in around him, that His love for Jesus has to be what gets him through. That his love for Jesus tells others that they are important. His love for Jesus will confront sin in his life and other's. You see, sometimes people get caught up in themselves, even when they try not to be. My job is to live the life for Jesus, because He was faithful to me and I am called to live faithfully to HIM!!! Not to my own wants or desires, or job, or anything else.

What is it that we teach? What is it that we live? Are we living what we teach or talk about as Christians? It sure is easy to talk about it, but I sure have a hard time living it! I get lost in me and forget to keep my eyes on Jesus. It is not about me!!! It IS about Jesus and spreading His love and forgiveness to others, while making sure they know the power of His grace! There is a song, a friend of mine wrote, that I think is fitting here...

My life was empty, my heart was sad, life was a burden, no joy I had.
Jesus you loved me, my sins you bore, give me a heart to love you more!

Now I see Jesus, there on the cross, He paid the ransom at awful cost,
No greater love have I seen before, give me Jesus Whom I adore.

Give me a heart, to love you love you more, Give me Jesus, whom I adore, Give me grace to live without sin, Give me the courage, more souls to win.

I'm living better than I have before,
Still the tempter knocks at my door,
Lord I've come so far from where I've been,
Give me grace to live without sin.

Jesus I know you live within me, And I want others your light to see, Help me to tell them you save from sin, give me the courage more souls to win.

Give me a heart, to love you love you more, Give me Jesus, whom I adore, Give me grace to live without sin, Give me the courage, more souls to win.

I think this song says it all, that as we live we need the power of grace to overcome ourselves so that we can win more souls to Jesus!!! That is my only job!!! Sound like what I said last time?

Lord, help me focus on you in the middle of all that I do. Teach me to live fully focused on you! Help me not let people keep me from following you, but help me not to turn my back on them either! Give me the strength to live as Jesus did, fully devoted to you but fully self-sacrificing so that what I do glorifies you!!

You know...that thing we call a right!

2008-09-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

In many places you hear people talk about "their rights", their own personal right to do...you know whatever they want. We have our right to vote, our right to say whatever we want, unless its against something someone else doesn't like, or our right to bear arms. I hear this too much, when what we should be saying is what can I do for you? What can I do to help you in life, or in your walk with Christ. Instead we are too busy worried about ourselves and what we want.

The other day I was talking to my wife (kinda crazy me saying wife) about something that happened that day, and she kept asking questions, because she was curious and wanted to help, and I in my own sorrow got mad that she was offering advice, or even asking more questions. I, key word there, I was upset because of what happened and didn't want to talk about it much more, but she kept asking questions. Instead of me realizing that she was concerned for me, cause she loves me, and wants to be there with me and help me through whatever comes my way, I got mad! This showed me one thing...my rights are not mine anymore, the only right I have now is to be Jesus to everyone I come across, EVEN my wife. Unfortunately, I don't always do this. I'm not trying to say that I'm supposed to be perfect, but man I sure could handle myself differently!

What is even more important to me is that I don't even like America. I hate the values, arrogance, attitude and overall direction this country is taking. I am realizing more and more though, how Americanized I really am and I hate that too. This whole idea about my rights and my whatever comes from this way of life I have been born into and I can't stand it. How is it that we got to a place in our thinking that we equate the American government with Christianity, or that we feel the need to tell people they have to vote a certain way to be Xn (that means christian, and no it doesn't take Christ out because in greek christ is spelled Xristos (that's a phonetic way of doing it)). Since when did being Xn have anything to do with being so blessed to be in a country where we are not persecuted. I pray that we are persecuted and soon. The church in America is dying and its because its too easy. We have it so easy and its so tolerable to do whatever you want that we don't stand for anything unless there's an American law to back it. This way of thinking is what got us here in the first place. Paul never said look forward to the day when you can preach Jesus without being persecuted, rather he said, "to live is CHRIST, and to die is gain" but we are so afraid of dying because WE won't get to be here anymore, or I won't get to be with...you get the picture. Why do we do such things? How do we get off saying, "thank you God for allowing us to worship you without being persecuted"...Church if we aren't being persecuted...we aren't living right!!!!!!! I can just imagine God hearing us say that and say, "what do you mean thank you, I sent my son down there and EVEN HE was persecuted, and you think you get off easy...how dare you" Now, don't get me wrong by reading that and thinking that I believe God wants us to suffer, but I believe that's how we are tested, proved and grown, and if we aren't being persecuted then its just too easy. How can you ever know how smart you are if you don't stretch and test your abilities. How will an athlete ever break records, if they don't put themselves to the test...people please.

So, if we are about to call ourselves Xn then we need to get off of this idea that we have rights, and get to thinking about our responsibility to Jesus! I'm tired of seeing mediocre Xns getting away with stuff Jesus would've called them on. Its not about us anymore!!! We need to get out there and love people, not just give them a hand out. We need to show people we love them in order to have them live to our standards, not give them a law that says you have to live that way. People are going to make decisions on their own and will do whatever they please, but when we encounter Jesus, we cease that way of thinking and way of life. In order to do this though, we have to be in people's lives who don't know Jesus, cause "if we tell those who already know, are we any better than the Gentiles?"

Home

2008-06-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

In the last week I have been to the place I call home and back (Lubbock) and have realized several things. Taking new people to your old home can be very strenuous. People tend to act differently when in an unfamiliar environment with someone who is comfortable in that same environment. Which, makes me wonder if this is what Peter meant when he said we are strangers in this world. The idea that we should feel uncomfortable in this world rather than comfortable. I remember a new MercyMe song that says, "We are free, in ways that we never should be." And I am reminded that too often we are so comfortable with the things that go on in this world that we leave our fight to the government, instead of teaching with love. I am so fed up with myself and so many others who are so comfortable with everything that goes on that we blend in and join right in with the stuff that goes on. I am not talking about such "radical" ideas as homosexual marriage, or stuff along those lines, but stuff even as far as what kind of music we listen to to how we dress. It stuns me, that, we as followers of Christ would allow such things to creep in on our lives, to where we now argue for the government to take our stand where the followers of Christ who were truly serious about the lines we should draw now back off and whine to others about how our government isn't doing things in a Christian way.

I saw someone I love dearly show me something I hadn't realized that when we get uncomfortable in a place where we are not used to we cling to that which we know. Unfortunately, instead of knowing Christ so intimately that when we get uncomfortable with the things going on in the world around us, we cling to HIM, rather than to our own desires and wants, like we so often fall into, like music or the clothes that we wear so freely, let alone the stuff we watch on tv or look at on the internet. We justify these things saying we can separate them, while those who don't know Christ see us just clinging to the things we are most comfortable with.

So I leave you with this challenge, what are you comfortable with...the world, or Christ? The challenge there is to become so comfortable with Christ that you cling to Him in this world that shows so many things that we should be uncomfortable with. If we were in this place we would've never gotten to where we are now. Setting a standard of Christ followers that we actually do His call, to GO, and show others what we are really comfortable with.

All because of Christ,
Aaron

Healing

2008-03-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

So it is truly amazing what God can do with us if we let him. I have been doing some mission statement classes (basically classes that explain what our mission statement is and why I chose it), so this week I was planning on doing a class on Sabbath, and just moving on, as Sabbath is part of our "refuel"-ing of our "Revamp, Refuel, Reflect" mission statement. I was studying and not coming up with many conclusions, as to what it might look like today, so I emailed an elder here and asked him for some kind of literature on the Sabbath. He sent me something from a Jewish Rabbi who was teaching about Sabbath and it was his lesson outlines. He was talking about it from the creation perspective of why it is that God might need to rest from something. I got to thinking about this, and wondering why it is that we think we need to rest from work all the time, but even on those days we try to do something with ourselves, not truly taking in what the Sabbath, at least in this respect, is all about. God was not just resting, what God was doing was reminding God's self that there comes a point when you must learn to appreciate what you have created or you will never know where to go next. I know, I know, some of you are saying, "This guy thinks that God didn't know where to go or what to do next?" Maybe, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here...what God was showing us is that even the creator stopped creating at some point to see where he was admire what he had done and see where this left him. For us, this means that God taught us a lesson we rarely listen to, slow down and smell the roses. We hear such things all the time but rarely do it.

I am reminded of a lesson on Sabbath that Mark Yaconelli did at NCYM this year and was talking about his son, and how slow he was. He would walk so slowly to the car in the morning because he wanted to take it all in, the birds, the butterfly, the flower, the crack in the sidewalk, the cool spring air, the clear blue sky with just a few small whispy clouds in it, etc... This drove Mark absolutely nuts, but he realized that this is something we could learn from, in the moments we slow down and look at ourselves, we actually see the good and the bad. We learn to see all that needs to be worked on, which is extremely scary to most of us, but we also see all that we have accomlished and where we are right now. This is not a bad thing, this is what God set as an example and commandment., but in our rush of trying to stay up with culture we have lost the value of what Sabbath does for us. It is the slowing down to examine what is going on around us that allows us to know where to go next.

It is this very thing that provides healing as well. I posted twice last week talking about pain and struggles and in my Sabbath time after this, I realized I hadn't been obeserving Sabbath in my weeks or even small times of reflection and personal study everyday, and was suffering because of it. I now realize true healing comes when we take time to align ourselves with who it is God has made us and who he is making us. This also means that we have to stop trying to make ourselves something all the time and allow God to mold us to what HE WANTS us to be. I used this song the other night in class to kind of get this point across, "Who am I" by Casting Crowns...so I will leave you with these words:

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt. Who am I? That the bright and morning star, Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart. Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours. Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love And watch me rise again Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea, Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me. Not because of who I am. But because what of youve done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am. I am yours. Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, You told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? 'Cuz I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.
Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am.
But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am. I am yours.
Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.

I am yours.

How long, Oh Lord?

2008-03-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

How long oh Lord, will you hide your face from me? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13

I have never felt this until now...I now understand what David felt...I can only trust that in my dealings with others that, I can convey the message that Christ makes it possible to deal with Satan but it can't be done alone!!! It has to be done with your brothers and sisters and most of all with Christ by your side. So in closing today, I say it is awesome to have brothers and sisters to lean on in times of struggle!

Hurt

2008-03-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

I have never felt pain like this before! I didn't mean for it to hurt. I didn't mean to hurt let alone be hurt. Its never been like this before. Why then, did I do it? I have no excuse, I have no reason, just a momentary lack of better judgement in a truly trying and exhasuting spiritual, mental and physical time. (don't worry its nothing huge, just a temporary relapse of an old struggle). Until now though, it has never felt like this! I hurt myself and those that I love. Most will probably never know it happened but it sure doesn't make it any easier! How do you mend the brokenness that sin brings in people's lives. Here I am a minister, not saying by any means that I am perfect nor will I ever be but, it sure does make it difficult when you feel like those around you expect you to be, and it makes your mess ups seem that much bigger, when those expectations aren't met. What is so cool is that in spite of me and my weakness, God is still working powerfully here, and even through me. I do have to say, at times it is sooooooo difficult being away from everyone you "know" and everyone you're involved with on whatever level is part of your ministry. I can't be weak or show weakness to anyone, yet I teach that church is the first place we should be able to show weakness. How can I teach this or say this if I don't feel that I am able to do it in the first place? How do I function in a land where almost everyone I know and talk to on a regular basis is from church, or buddies from the church where I work? This is truly the first time I have felt this in the 8 months I have been here. Apparently, that is plenty long enough for me to be truly attacked by satan trying to keep God from working,
working in me and in this ministry.

Holy God, make me holy!!! Make me clean!! Make me whole!!! Heal me and the relationships which I have hurt! Help me oh God!

Woah

2008-02-06T09:07:00.000-08:00

So things have been mighty crazy around here! I haven't even had time to blink! I have the youth rally coming up and then the sweethearts banquet and then Friday night worship, and it just doesn't slow down. Which is why I have been thinking. Why is it that I believe so strongly in slowing down, and not rushing through life, but yet I keep adding things to the plate? I struggle with organization, and yet adding to my plate sure doesn't help. I struggle with delegating cause everyone else is busy, but I can't find time to do it myself. Instead of working with the church, which by the way is how I believe it is supposed to work, I feel like I am working FOR the church, and its my fault. Why do I feel like I am doing what I need to and can't get anyone else to step up and help? Its because I won't stinking ask! Jesus gave us a very good example of this when he said, "Look, I stand at the door and knock." showing us that his entry into our lives and his help and power only comes when we ask. So why do we think it is any different with each other? If we are to be Christ in this world, then people aren't going to know we need help if we don't ask! (Hello STUPID!!) I know, I know I need to take my own advice and stop worrying about other's being busy, I just need to ask! I am here to facilitate Jesus presence throughout the ministry, that doesn't mean that I have to actually DO everything! So here I am confessing my biggest problem right now, I have an issue with pride I guess you could say. Being my first year on the job, I want everyone to know I am a hard worker and that I can handle it myself, but the fact of the matter is, I am literally going to kill myself if I don't get over it. So here I go, I am letting go and diving in and getting past my own pride and need for self-worth cause my pride comes from Christ and Christ alone. So if any of you read this and know me and are around...KICK ME IN THE TAIL and make me ask, whether its you or someone else, make me ask.

Family

2007-12-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

I have grown accustomed to not having my nuclear family around. I lived in Lubbock for 4 years and now in CA for 6 months. It is amazing to me that God provides with a spiritual family that I won't say replaces your nuclear family, but nearly. It has become evident to me that home is not where your family is but rather wherever it is that God has placed you to serve in His Kingdom. Tomorrow (Wednesday) I am on my way to Texas to see my nuclear family and am plenty excited about it. In all reality, I don't consider either place my home. I feel like Jesus, having no one place to rest my head, but rather ready to go wherever it is that God takes me in ministry. I say this not to make anyone feel bad for where they are in their walk, but rather to say that I love the feeling of being free in Christ to follow Him wherever he leads. Too often I think we get stuck in geographical boundaries and don't consider all the blessings of establishing relationships all over with Christ right in the center. I think this time of year allows us to focus back on the center, Christ, and remember who it is that we serve. This time of year where most are focused on what they get and we take a moment to remind ourselves of the commitment we have to Christ and His way of life. I am excited and enthusiastic about the opportunity I have to share my growth with the congregation where I grew up. They have supported me and watched me for so long, and I pray that God continues to work there and through me to further His Kingdom. I was talking to a buddy about it and we were talking about the fact that I get to embarass my fiance, Sarah, there and he said, "just make sure that's not the only reason you are doing it" and it reminded me of my first love and that is, Jesus! I pray that as I am given the passion for spreading the message of Christ that I do it boldly and without shame! He reminded me that Christ is the reason for all that I do, and even though embarrassing Sarah wasn't first on my mind, in fact I thought of it only after the thought of being able to share my passion for Jesus, that I need to reflect Christ in all I do.

I pray that as I prepare to tell the message of Christ to my first congregation that God would humble me and use me as a vessel to advance His Kingdom!! It is in the very depths of my heart that I realize that home is only in the place where we follow Christ, and I pray that I follow Him in all I do, and become all I am because of HIM!!!

Worship at Hilltop in El Segundo

2007-12-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

So Sunday on the way back from the work trip to Ramona, we stopped at Hilltop for worship at their 11:00 service. This is typically their pomo (post modern) service at which they are careful in what words they use as well as how they approach the whole service. It was very refreshing to have this worship experience after a long hard COLD couple of days! After the service was over I went to talk to their worship leader and just asked a few questions and looked around and saw one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed in my life. The worship service was not at their church building, rather they met in a middle school cafeteria. The seats were movable chairs which had to be stacked and moved aside, and our guys without even being asked or told, just started stacking chairs and helping move them aside!!! What an awesome thing to see the spirit of service so engrained in their minds that they won't stop! I write all this not to really write about their service but rather the worship service...

This Wednesday night we are doing a "worship experience" here at Davis Park, as an effort to bring the whole congregation together in a different way than just Sunday mornings as well as to have the 'adults' experience God in a different way. It is an effort to connect the older generation to the youth and the youth to the older generations. There seems to be a hunger for religion and Christianity to be something more than just a thing that we do to appease a God whose desires we could never truly live up to. It is this struggle that we find ourselves in and seem to push more towards truly experiencing who God is and what His leading looks like in our lives. I am reminded of Mark, my buddy from Australia, who was searching and asking questions, when we heard a song on a cd we played by casting crowns called, The Voice of Truth When this song came on Mark started wondering how it is that you hear the voice of truth and what it is and how you know it is truth...looking for more than just ministerial answers, he realized that the voice was right there all along, inviting him into the presence of God. Too often we fill our lives with so much stuff, that we forget to allow God to mold us and shape us, and ultimately transform us into righteous beings. Unfortunately, we let ourselves and our business get in the way and we can't hear Him say, step out on the water, or throw that stone, or don't worry about the storm, i am leading you through it.

I pray that as we enter into the presence of God that people would learn to experience God in ways they have never done before, and that God would be the focus of our lives, and not ourselves. It is all because of Him...

More relief stuff

2007-12-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a day!!! It was cold and rainy...what more could you ask for when working with power tools and generators? The kids were awesome, and I was so proud to say that they were my kids. They showed me their true character today by not letting up all day long. I am excited to say that i have some of the best kids in the world. At one moment, my authority was challenged by one of the kids who will one day be my cousin (Jordynne, for those who don't know she is my fiance's cousin)...so I showed her that I could have thrown her in the goat poop mud...but I chose not to. We did some framing and roofing on the shed, and helped rebuild the fence. It was way cool to see the people getting excited that we would do something for them like build a barn for them. We got almost all of it done except the las part fo the roof, because we ran out of screws for the tin roof. It was always funny to see Christy Sipes standing in some sinkholes created by the rain.

We had issues with getting our stew ready at lunchtime since the propane tank wasn't working correctly. We ended up plugging the microwave into the generator to get the stew heated up. Leave it to city boys to bring a microwave to a worksite...eh well it was good. It was a great experience and ready to do it again. Just continue to pray for us as we travel home tomorrow, and that these kids will remember and cherish these times where they get to step outside themselves, for Jesus sake!! IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!!!!

Fire Relief/Rebuilding

2007-12-07T16:17:00.001-08:00

We are back at base camp in Ramona now. It was a long/rainy/sunny/cold/warm day all in one! We got quite a bit done, like putting posts in the ground for the goat shed and the 'kid' shed. We were having lots of fun and still working hard at the same time. The youth were working and showing their true character! It was awesome to see them putting their hearts into the work. We also got to meet Debbie, whom we are doing the work for. Her house and barn burned and so we are helping start the rebuilding process. She and her kids wanted to meet us so they brought us hot chocolate about lunchtime. It was cool to be able to meet her and talk with her a bit. While she was there a rainbow came out and was just evident that God was working in this situation. Well, we are about to go eat and take showers, and then we'll be back to base camp to enjoy the evening and some "BUNKO"! More later as I reflect on the day I'm sure of it

San Diego/Ramona

2007-12-07T07:25:00.000-08:00

Well, its been a busy couple of weeks getting ready for this trip, and now here I am in Ramona getting ready to go this morning. We have now eaten breakfast, and hte boys are helping unhook the trailer. Buddy and the gang left earlier in the day since they were dragging the trailer and had to drive slower. We left Modesto after 5pm to allow the kids who were going to only miss one day of school. We arrived after 2am and finally got to sleep around 3. This could very easily turn into a long day, but it will be a blessed one.
Its raining today and the work will be fun, but I believe that God will bless this work as we serve others as we were modeled by our master, when he washed his own disciple's feet. So as we work today we pray that we wil have the heart of a servant and be the hands and feet of Jesus.

More to come later, as we get back and have dried off, I will keep you updated.

WOW

2007-11-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

Well, it is the day after Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. To start, I got to spend this Thanksgiving with the family which will be mine in less than a year. I was not really excited about not being in Texas for the holiday, but Kingdom work places me elsewhere! I am truly blessed to have the most wonderful woman in the world to have said yes to marrying me this past Sunday! I asked her to marry me and this is only the second time I have ever been this sure about anything in my life...the first being giving my life to God and becoming a minister (I know those are two separate things but they are one in the same to me). I did miss being with my family but it was cool to be with what will be my new added family come August. I am blessed to have a church family to work with that allows me to make mistakes and figure out exactly what it is that I am doing. I will still tell you to this day and probably for as many years as I am doing ministry that I don't have a clue about this stuff!!! I love that though because it is these times that God comes through and works in spite of us. It is when we have no clue that God's power comes through and shows us that He is the one with the power and not us. It is this that makes me excited to the fact that I have no idea what I am doing and that it is not by anything that I do, I am just a vessel He is using for HIS glory.

Which brings me to the heavy part of the blog...

I am so blessed to have the talents and abilities that God has given me, and yet He reminds me everyday that it is Him who is to be glorified with these...not me!!! I wonder why it is that as humans we seek glory? We seek power and yet we know that it is power and glory that corrupts and destroys mankind. It is these two things that are sought after yet we see Jesus giving up all power and glory which ended up being more powerful than forcing it on others. Power God's way is done by giving up all command over men by submitting to them and service, becoming the lowest not the highest. It became apparent to me that this is not the way of our life. I saw this when the opportunity to go to San Diego and serve the fire victims arose for the youth group, and a previously scheduled activity in which the kids would be served and it would be a fun time interfered with this trip. This is when it hit me again (this isn't the first time I've noticed this)...these kids don't have a heart for service because they haven't seen it modeled to them in their lives. The American way life says give me, give me , give me, when Jesus calls us to give myself, give myself, give myself. Why is it that when we schedule a service project, there are just a few kids that show up, but we do something fun, or something that will benefit the person coming we have 40? Has our devotion to Jesus been diluted to what can I get out of it? Has our cross bearing been reduced to someone else carrying it for us while we just watch? Has all spiritual formation become an inward reflection of what we want and think and a refusal to model the service lifestyle that Jesus first demonstrated?

If all the cross showed us was that Jesus died for us and not for all, then we have missed the point forgotten that the cross means a total denial of self and full self sacrifice for others. Jesus didn't model this for us to admire and revel in the fact that WE are saved because of it, rather it was to demonstrate what a true following of him would require of us FOR OTHERS!!!

Thanksgiving is a time where we reflect on what all we have and we eat too much and throw away as much food as we eat, when there are those around us, right here in our backyards, who can't even afford to drive to the store to get food. Instead of us seeing the blessings we have and sharing those with others like Jesus did, giving us what He had already experienced...the full presence of God...so why is it that we love the fact that we will eat too much around this time of year and refuse to allow a weekend of service to get in the way of our BEING SERVED!!!

If I write much more about this, I am going to get even more mad at myself than I am at america for breeding this way of thinking into the Christian mindset, and we are not even willing to admit that it may be this very thing that is causing us (Christians) to be the least demanding and growing religion in the world. We have lost all sense of accountability here and lost all sense of selflessness!!!

Lord, I am so selfish and power hungry, help me to be humble, and give glory where it is due. I have been blessed to be healthy and well taken care of, help me not to take advantage of this and use that blessing to bless others. God break me and use me for your service and not to be served. Help the cross to break me and mold me the way it did Jesus. You gave us the perfect example and I pray that we become more like him always, at all times, and in all ways. In the name of your perfect son, Jesus. Amen

2007-11-12T15:41:00.001-08:00

So, I am getting addicted to this blogging thing...

I was talking to an elder here at Davis Park Sunday morning half joking but mostly serious about wanting to go to help with the fire clean-up around San Diego for a week, when he told me, "talk to your fallback guys Chris and Mark and see if they'll cover for you and check with Jesse Kenyon, I know he's chomping at the bit to go."
You see I said half joking because as much as I would love to go to help with the fire relief, I never imagined I would have a job that would allow me to go do such a thing, let alone encourage me. I just wish I could get some kids out of school to go with me! It just makes me light-headed to think about serving others, and it is actually my job. This is the weirdest job ever. Not that I didn't know such things, but why am I being paid to live the life in which we are all called to live? Why is it that people think that just because I am a minister by calling that I am any different than them? One of my biggest pet peeves is when people think that just because I am a minister that they have any less work to do than I? It seems to me that the minister's job is to encourage and help and uplift the flock but we seem to get the job of reaching out to everyone...not that I don't think this is important...but rather that this is the job of the whole church! Why do we (myself included) put so much on the ministers and refuse to do any work ourselves? I see so many people complaining about what they want and what they "need" but not willing to do anything to achieve such things. So often we are tempted to gripe and complain about things but are not willing to take a step back and look at ourselves to see what can be done.
I find so many quoting Jesus, "Don't judge or you too will be judged". This is not something Jesus said for us to find a way out of being held accountable but moreso that we should examine ourselves and hold ourselves to a higher standard! This standard is more than just a way of living but one that spreads the message of Christ's kingdom to all. Why do we use this to keep others off our back when really we should use this to call ourselves to the standard of "conducting ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ". This statement was one of self-examination and accountability rather than one of dodging the bullet of being called on the floor of our own mess ups. Why do we insist on pushing outhers away from us to keep them from truly knowing us and hiding our weaknesses from the very people who we should be revealing them to? WE need to look at how we do things and get uncomfortable and seek ways to make ourselves uncomfortable as this is how we truly learn what it is to follow Jesus.

Lord, Help me to follow you and be uncomfortable. Help me to not do things just because I am a minister by titile but rather becasue I want to serve you alone.

Discipline

2007-11-08T10:35:00.001-08:00

So this post in large part is due to Coop! I was reading his blog yesterday...link on the right side...and was reading about the fasting stuff and the thought of discipline came into my head. I was asked on Monday to combine my High School youth class with the adult class on Wednesday night to teach. I, of course said, "ok", but hadn't fully thought this out yet. I then started thinking about how differently I teach on Wednesday nights (experiential and short)than how the class was structured for the "old people" (discussion and lecture type) and wondered how I would reconcile the two. I thought first I must find a way to get the youth involved in the conversation with the adults and to get them thinking together about the subject or scripture at hand. A difficult task I must say...

You see, I have this fear, of TEACHING adults. I can teach little kids, although anxiety starts climbing, and I can teach teens...but adults...oh man! Now preaching to them...no biggie, but teaching is different. So I embark on this task with much ferver.

I decided after reading Coop's blog to venture off into the world of discipline and see what I could come up with to step on some toes...I did this with much grace as I learned from my master (Jesus) who always stepped where we needed some stomping. So I taught about discipline. This very soon became me stepping on my own toes and seeing how much I truly need to work on this myself. (why is it that I always end up kicking myself in the pants on these lessons?) I look at my desk around me and see all these papers piling up and I think about the time that I should be spending in prayer piling up...it kills me...So here I go. I embark on this journey of discipline with all of you I hope.

Jesus modeled this way of life and encouraged us to BE disciplined. I am reminded with that statement of another quote from my good friend Coop, "the Christian life is about being and not doing." Being disciplined leads to so many other disciplines, and if we are not able to be disciplined in physical aspects of life, then how are we to be disciplined in spiritual aspects? I see this in my own life. I need to be this...

O lord, please help me to live like Jesus, to learn to believe what He believed by living what He lived. Help me to be didsciplined in all aspects of life. Help me to not run from or shun discipline but embrace it as training for Your service. God, it is you I want to serve, not my body or the things here on earth that try to distract me from you. Help me to be constantly seeking your guidance in all I do. You alone are who I long to be disciplined for, teach me! It is in your loving, holy, Sons name I pray this prayer. -Amen

Dead Men Tell No Tales

2007-10-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we, as in the youth group, went to a youth rally called Scary Monsters. It was a well done rally. I realized though, as I was nominated to be one of the sponsors to stay with the Jr. High guys, that youth rallies now are not nearly as fun as they used to be...let me explain: I used to love going to youth rallies and retreats, but now, there is so much responsibility and work to be done on my side of it, it just plum near takes all the fun out of it. Believe me, its not that I mind being responsible, since I pretty much have been my whole life (with lapses of stupidity mixed in there), I just never realized that making sure kids were doing what they are supposed to be doing was such a full time job. It isn't that this bothers me, because as I get further and further into this job, I love it more everyday, even with the groanings I expressed before. There is so much to be learned and it is hard for me to find times to be fed (spiritually) when I am always so worried about everyone else.

This weekend was fun though, and the speaker was hilarious, as well as, he came straight out of the text which I appreciate. While I was listening to what he was saying, it hit me; I too can be fed through serving. My good friend and basically big sis Monica put it to me like this (about the kids) but it made me think of myself: I have spent the last 4 years, especially, being fed and growing and now I am full and it is time to pour out what I have been filled with. Which is where the title of this post comes in...It was actually the theme of the rally, but I was thinking about the implications of this for me. Here I am, alive, and filled with the Spirit in my life and working to continually bless others with the love of Jesus. It makes me wonder why I think that I am not being fed by serving them? Jesus told us to serve others and we would vicariously be serving HIM through them. (my loose paraphrase)

With that in mind, I set off the next weekend to do a Super Saturday VBS thingy for a small church in a small town close to Modesto. It was not the number one thing on my list to do, cause I frankly didn't have time to prepare or get people involved to help with it. This was highly aggravating to me, but once I got there, it was like I totally changed my attitude. It went well despite my previous attitude, and I had no clue what was going on, let alone the fact that I basically ran the show. The thing that I saw though, was not the fact that I was doing anything worthwhile, but moreso, that the older people there were uplifted and encouraged by the 5 of us being there and helping. Maybe this will put a burr in their saddle and inspire them to do more to reach out to their community themselves. I realize now that I have many more resources than they, and why in the world would I not want to use those for God's glory? It is more of an overwhelmed feeling that made me not want to do this. What turned it around for me was seeing the people who had worked so hard to make this happen, feeling a little discouraged when only 15 kids showed up. It was then that I recalled something an old friend (Coop) said to me on several occasions, "It is when you have an activity and only 1 or 2 kids show up that real ministry and relationships are formed. It is nice to have a large turn out but it is much harder to be real with them." I shared this with several of the people from this church and showed them that it doesn't matter how many kids you have, Jesus still reigns and that is the reason to be excited.

I now look back at last weekend and almost feel ashamed that I felt the way I did about it. It was something I didn't want to do, and its almost like God threw it back in my face and said, "see, you are to serve me no matter what, and not be griping and complaining just because you think you are too busy, I will provide for you!" Why is it that I don't see this all the time? Anywho, sorry for not posting in a couple weeks, but this is a culmination of about 2 weeks of stuff. Scary Monsters I think helped prepare me for the Super Saturday, it is just aggravating that I don't realize these things sooner...

If nothing else is said, remember, Dead Men Tell no Tales